30.6.10
budding stardom
well as it seems teaching is clearly not my cup of tea for my traveling woman career choice, at least now i have a fallback plan: movie star. one thing i’ve learned about traveling –and life in general- is that it’s almost (almost!) always a good idea to say yes to invitations and opportunities that come up. (*that “almost” excludes such things as meeting random old fat unnamed rockstars in their homes to “chop romaine lettuce” for romantic dinners of ceasar salad with shrimp and wine. but that’s a whole different story…) so naturally, when we hear movie producers in pattaya are looking for young white aspiring actors to play extras as nurses and soldiers in a japanese world war II movie “oba: the last samurai,” of course the answer is a yes. it’s not everyday you get to dress up as an old-fashioned war nurse after all. the opportunity was so inviting in fact, we deem it appropriate to skip school in order to kick start our acting careers. we definitely made the right choice by playing hooky from work to get costumed in head to toe white nurse garb and get pampered by hairstylists and makeup artists in tents that make us feel like legit professional actors, just to sit in the air-con base camp building with nothing to do but steal snacks and load up on free peanut butter and jelly in between making friends with silly japanese quasi movie stars named kenji, filming our own nurse mystery kidnapping short film, and laughing at “tiger” the not-too-brainy thai extra with a permanent wedgie and horrible pickup skills…) the actual “work” that we get paid 2,000 baht for involves walking from point a to point b for one outdoor hospital base camp scene, then caring for wounded soldiers inside the hospital for another…for getting paid double a day of teaching, free retro hair and makeup, and a boatload of complimentary snacks, it wasn’t too bad of a day!
27.6.10
floating market
pattaya floating market: good prices, not quite as tainted by tourism efforts as i expected, and overall, a very pleasant surprise.
first stop: coconut ice cream. one of my favorites from back home, the thai version is served in a coconut shell with a hearty scooping of peanuts on top, plus an ooey-gooey layer of that oh-so-delicious mystery carnation milk custard product. this can of magic is as much a staple in the thai street food diet as chilis or coconut milk. i’m not going to lie, i was slightly grossed out the first time a can of gooeyness was used as practically ¼ of my iced coffee drink i ordered at the school minimart. but i later notice this can’s role is not exclusively as a coffee sweetener product, but is used as a topping on the popular roti crepe-like pancakes and everything else remotely dessert-oriented you can imagine.
second stop: fresh brew. my love of the excellent thai service -that would never serve a drink without the whole package of glass, ice, and cozy- is taken one step farther. on request that we take our beers with us while we continue meandering and browsing through the stalls, we are made homemade beer cozies. a simple piece of leftover menu paper wrapped around the bottles to keep our hands dry and the beers a teeny bit cooler. how thoughtful!
third stop: fruit. the fresh fruit here is dreamy, and is made even better by the nice way it is always sliced and served with a fresh bamboo skewer, ready for noshing. the only thing that killlls me is the gazillion plastic bags that are insistently wrapped around the purchases…eeeeek!
not so nice: elephants. much to my surprise --after wandering aimlessly through impressive displays of bananas, huge pots of hot toasting almonds, artists delicately replicating scenic photographs, teeny thai women aggressively thai masseuse-ing, and boats serving iced tea and sausages and coconut cakes and fried chicken— we run head-on into two very large elephants. a wave of excitement quickly transforms into a wave of nausea, churning unpleasantly in my tummy with my healthy dinner of ice cream and beer. the only other time i have seen elephants is in their natural habitat of protected wilderness land in south africa. here, on a tiny cement circle with chains on their ankles and visitors paying to hand feed them, these animals look grossly out of place. my friend offers the hopeful comment that they surely take them out and about to play and walk and frolic like free elephants after the market closes up for the night. i nod my head, never wanting to be the one to bust such an optimistic bubble. but instead just feel slightly sick to my stomach, knowing -via comments from thais- that this fantasy of frolicking elephants is hardly the norm for animal treatment around here…
first stop: coconut ice cream. one of my favorites from back home, the thai version is served in a coconut shell with a hearty scooping of peanuts on top, plus an ooey-gooey layer of that oh-so-delicious mystery carnation milk custard product. this can of magic is as much a staple in the thai street food diet as chilis or coconut milk. i’m not going to lie, i was slightly grossed out the first time a can of gooeyness was used as practically ¼ of my iced coffee drink i ordered at the school minimart. but i later notice this can’s role is not exclusively as a coffee sweetener product, but is used as a topping on the popular roti crepe-like pancakes and everything else remotely dessert-oriented you can imagine.
second stop: fresh brew. my love of the excellent thai service -that would never serve a drink without the whole package of glass, ice, and cozy- is taken one step farther. on request that we take our beers with us while we continue meandering and browsing through the stalls, we are made homemade beer cozies. a simple piece of leftover menu paper wrapped around the bottles to keep our hands dry and the beers a teeny bit cooler. how thoughtful!
third stop: fruit. the fresh fruit here is dreamy, and is made even better by the nice way it is always sliced and served with a fresh bamboo skewer, ready for noshing. the only thing that killlls me is the gazillion plastic bags that are insistently wrapped around the purchases…eeeeek!
not so nice: elephants. much to my surprise --after wandering aimlessly through impressive displays of bananas, huge pots of hot toasting almonds, artists delicately replicating scenic photographs, teeny thai women aggressively thai masseuse-ing, and boats serving iced tea and sausages and coconut cakes and fried chicken— we run head-on into two very large elephants. a wave of excitement quickly transforms into a wave of nausea, churning unpleasantly in my tummy with my healthy dinner of ice cream and beer. the only other time i have seen elephants is in their natural habitat of protected wilderness land in south africa. here, on a tiny cement circle with chains on their ankles and visitors paying to hand feed them, these animals look grossly out of place. my friend offers the hopeful comment that they surely take them out and about to play and walk and frolic like free elephants after the market closes up for the night. i nod my head, never wanting to be the one to bust such an optimistic bubble. but instead just feel slightly sick to my stomach, knowing -via comments from thais- that this fantasy of frolicking elephants is hardly the norm for animal treatment around here…
22.6.10
defensive driving
my glorious yamaha fino motorbike has simultaneously been the most life-saving and life-threatening acquirement of my first month as a kindergarten teacher in thailand. fun, efficient, thrilling, cheap (by US standards at least…), and unreasonably speedy, it has made exploring the beachside city of pattaya a truly enjoyable daily after-work activity. my other experiences living abroad have gotten me quite comfortable with a lack of traffic laws, chaotic speedy unlined roads, and even driving on the opposite side of the street, common realities of international driving standards. but here in thailand, it is all taken to an extreme new level.
one tip i receive from a local after first getting my motorbike pretty much sums up the attitude about driving here: just worry about yourself and what’s right in front of you. they aren’t joking. i wonder why they even include rearview mirrors on motorbikes and cars going to thai dealerships. as i speed along clutching my handlebars for dear life, i insistently try to make eyecontact with the drivers around me through the mirror communication network. hoping to convey with my eyes my plea of i’m getting close to you so please don’t erratically change lanes/switch directions/slam your brakes. my eyes never seem to meet their target, as all other eyes are either fixed straight ahead or directed at some other fixation point –tree, food vendor, friend- …on the roads of pattaya, there are much more interesting things to be gazing at than your fellow traffic companions, it is true. so, i learn, as i make turns/passes/change speed/alter direction and do what i need to do to stay on my course, sometimes it comes down to just closing my eyes, saying a quick desparate prayer to Buddha, and just going for it full speed ahead, hoping i don’t end up as nothing more than a cute teal helmet and a spattered pile of goop on the road…
one tip i receive from a local after first getting my motorbike pretty much sums up the attitude about driving here: just worry about yourself and what’s right in front of you. they aren’t joking. i wonder why they even include rearview mirrors on motorbikes and cars going to thai dealerships. as i speed along clutching my handlebars for dear life, i insistently try to make eyecontact with the drivers around me through the mirror communication network. hoping to convey with my eyes my plea of i’m getting close to you so please don’t erratically change lanes/switch directions/slam your brakes. my eyes never seem to meet their target, as all other eyes are either fixed straight ahead or directed at some other fixation point –tree, food vendor, friend- …on the roads of pattaya, there are much more interesting things to be gazing at than your fellow traffic companions, it is true. so, i learn, as i make turns/passes/change speed/alter direction and do what i need to do to stay on my course, sometimes it comes down to just closing my eyes, saying a quick desparate prayer to Buddha, and just going for it full speed ahead, hoping i don’t end up as nothing more than a cute teal helmet and a spattered pile of goop on the road…
19.6.10
karaoke: thai style
teaching always seems to get me in the mood to do anything and everything besides teaching, so i rarely turn down any sort of invite (provided it doesn't involve little kids or "e is for egg" or heads or shoulders or knees or toes...) so i don’t hesitate in agreeing to meet my coworker friend for a drink downtown tonight. i get lost all over the streets of pattaya on my motorbike en route to meeting him in sunee plaza, enjoying my self-guided tour of the city and stubbornly refusing to call tom for further directions until i at least made it to the landmark i was looking for. a night of family fun on the beach quickly turns to a night of mischief-making in the boys-only parts of town. we enjoy drinks around sunny plaza from the almost stadium-style seating of the small bars, making people-watching the principal form of entertainment. and there is no lack of interesting people to watch. the gay scene in pattaya is hilariously identical to the sex tourism scene of the rest of the city: fat, bald, open-shirted farangs sporting googly-eyes and goofy smiles as they stroll the streets clutching the hands of their young, slim thai companions.
my friend insists this random weeknight is a good excuse as any to make my first-time visit to a thai karaoke bar. we choose j.j’s karaoke, and i’m excited for the rumored selection of more manly-looking guys, as karaoke bars supposedly offer a classier version of the go-go bars to a clientele of predominantly straight women. but right away it’s not quite what i’m expecting… these boys are by no means unattractive. on the contrary, their attractiveness is actually the problem! as row upon row of bored looking boys shuffles out onto the stage, i am immediately struck with one glaring observation: their hair is perfect! i’m almost embarrassed that i hadn’t bothered to throw on a little makeup or put some sort of product in my hair. while i had come straight downtown still in my beachdress with sand in my sloppy bun, these boys had clearly spent the previous couple hours having some quality alone time with their designer texturizer and ceramic flatirons. i am suddenly all-too-aware that the ladyboy next to me is probably horrified by my lack of effort. but her perfectly-mascara-ed eyelashes and unbelievably silky man legs brushing up next to me are more expected. straight boys with a love affair for their hairstyles is something that hadn’t really occurred to me, even here in thailand. my friend explains that gay or straight, male or female, or somewhere in between, getting your hair done is just as legitimate of a nightly activity as beer and poker night for the guys back home. in the company of these immaculately-groomed boys, who could teach the queer eye for the straight guy crew a thing or two about perfectly-polished man-looks, it is very clear i’ll never be able to raise my personal grooming regimen to the scale of their’s. even so, i add late-night multiple hour session at the stylist to the top of my list of things to do once payday rolls around. this is clearly a thai “cultural experience” i need to have…
my friend insists this random weeknight is a good excuse as any to make my first-time visit to a thai karaoke bar. we choose j.j’s karaoke, and i’m excited for the rumored selection of more manly-looking guys, as karaoke bars supposedly offer a classier version of the go-go bars to a clientele of predominantly straight women. but right away it’s not quite what i’m expecting… these boys are by no means unattractive. on the contrary, their attractiveness is actually the problem! as row upon row of bored looking boys shuffles out onto the stage, i am immediately struck with one glaring observation: their hair is perfect! i’m almost embarrassed that i hadn’t bothered to throw on a little makeup or put some sort of product in my hair. while i had come straight downtown still in my beachdress with sand in my sloppy bun, these boys had clearly spent the previous couple hours having some quality alone time with their designer texturizer and ceramic flatirons. i am suddenly all-too-aware that the ladyboy next to me is probably horrified by my lack of effort. but her perfectly-mascara-ed eyelashes and unbelievably silky man legs brushing up next to me are more expected. straight boys with a love affair for their hairstyles is something that hadn’t really occurred to me, even here in thailand. my friend explains that gay or straight, male or female, or somewhere in between, getting your hair done is just as legitimate of a nightly activity as beer and poker night for the guys back home. in the company of these immaculately-groomed boys, who could teach the queer eye for the straight guy crew a thing or two about perfectly-polished man-looks, it is very clear i’ll never be able to raise my personal grooming regimen to the scale of their’s. even so, i add late-night multiple hour session at the stylist to the top of my list of things to do once payday rolls around. this is clearly a thai “cultural experience” i need to have…
18.6.10
spontaneous picnicking
i’m starting to feel like a thai tourism promoter, with my unending ranting and raving of the pleasant surprise of the welcoming friendliness that is so characteristic of the people here. but really, where else do strangers randomly get invited to a beach picnic to drink whisky and eat calamari and mussels and watch the sunset with a whole family of eight? there i am, staking out my usual beach spot with a large chang beer, fresh pineapple (สับปะรด sa-ba-roht), and some jack johnson to aid me in an unusually difficult unwinding process after an unusually stressful day of nagging my 3-year-olds to sit down and color instead of jumping off chairs and banging eachother on the head with rulers. maybe the family noticed the exaggerated deep breaths i was taking as i tried to decompress from my day, maybe they thought i looked like a sad alcoholic drinking a giant beer on the beach by myself in the middle of the week,or maybe they were appalled that i had opted to lay down right on top of the not-so-pristine sand instead of springing the 20 baht for a beach chair. regardless, the grandmother, on her way back from splashing on the shoreline with an excited toddler, insists –through random thai phrases i halfway understand and enthusiastic gesturing- that i get up and join them at their chairs. i meet all of the eight extended family members, from the toddler to the two grandmas to the guy and girl around my age that help translate into english the thai questions and exclamations being shot at me from all sides. they somehow are impressed with my language skills after only having been in thailand three weeks (baffling to me since basically all i said to them in thai was “thank you” “teacher” and “bathroom” ). thank god i had just learned this one…i was so excited by the picnic invite that i stretched my bladder to a point of tear-inducing pain to avoid leaving my new friends so prematurely, but am relieved when my desperate “hong nam yoo teenai” leads the girl jane to take me across the street to a secret toilet in the back of her aunt’s pharmacy… after relieving my bladder, i can even more fully enjoy the glassfuls of whisky and soda, mussels in spicy fish sauce, and freshly-grilled squid being eagerly proffered by my companions. finally, thoughts of school and teaching and conscious distressing breathing techniques are washed away, as i enjoy the simple pleasures of a spontaneous beach gathering among new friends…
14.6.10
ใจดี (jai-dee= good heart, kind person)
as soon as i start to settle in to my surroundings and get more and more used to the friendly aspect of the thai people that i love so much, something beyond the reliable smiles and sa-wa-dees (สวัสดีค่ะ) happens, reminding me once again that i really am in an extraordinary place with exceptional people. after embarking on an after-school shopping adventure to central festival, one of thailand’s famous 6-story shopping complexes right on the beach of downtown pattaya, i had a slight issue on my baht bus route back to the home streets of jomtien. to clarify, “slight issue” means that my lack of concern or rush to get home while enjoying the sunset on pattaya beach turned into a 1 ½ hour, 60 baht, multiple baht bus ordeal just to get from the mall back to my condo.
after i have my fill of wandering through shops, wandering on the beach, and wandering from cart to cart of delicious 10baht street food, my ever-so-keen sense of direction tells me that since getting to the mall involved one straightforward baht bus ride, i would just get on a bus going the opposite direction and be home in no time. well since the road i took there was a one-way street, i have to switch roads to be going back in what *i thought* was the right direction. i of course never bother to confirm my excellent logic with another passenger or even the driver, despite knowing absolutely nothing about the baht bus routes in this part of pattaya. after my first driver kicks me off of his bus (the first time this ever happened to me i was deeply insulted and took his abandonment of a young girl on her way home at 4am as a personal affront, but as i know now, this is customary when there’s only one passenger left so that the driver can backtrack his route to the more economically-worthwhile areas…), i am not disheartened in the slightest, and see my change in direction as an opportunity to really see the sights of the streets.
i board another bus heading the opposite direction, and end up (surprise surprise!) right back where i started, at central festival mall. by this time it’s starting to get darker, and the more pressing issue of my hunger is really starting to set in (since apparently the mini fried coconut crème pies I bought didn’t provide enough sustenance to substitute dinner…). so, i board one more bus going in the opposite direction again. this time i make sure to tell the driver “jomtien beach,” but he says he doesn’t go there, and i'll have to stop and change buses. ok…so i just ask him as nicely as possible to please stop when i should change buses, figuring that i'll just take it from there. this request gets a response of raised-eyebrowed silence, him not even bothering to tell me that “hey, lady that’s not at all how this system works.”
to my relief, i am quickly joined by another passenger, and immediately i bust out my longest –but most useful!- thai phrase yet: kuhn-poot-pa-sah-ang-git-dai-mai-kah? (do you speak english?) this time, i am in luck. amazingly, the beautiful thai woman wearing a short blue dress and clutching a matching rhinestone-studded purse not only understands my (surely) poorly-pronounced survival phrase, but returns my plea for conversation with a smile and some broken english of her own. though she is on her way to walking street (surprise surprise!), i tell her my dilemma, and she assures me that she’ll show me which bus to take. relieved, i get off with her on walking street. i thank her again for her offer to help and wait for her to point which direction to go. instead, she grabs my hand and totters her way across the uneven pavement in high spiky heels, me trying to keep up. we cross several streets grasping hands like long-lost lesbian lovers(with me of course having no idea where we are), then make it to a baht bus that she nods to in confirmation. not leaving my side until i am actually safely onto the back of the crammed-full truck bed, i am wishing i could more fully articulate my appreciation for her help. i repeat my kop-kuhn-kaahhh (สวัสดีค่ะ) several times as smilingly as possible. i watch her spring back across the street toward the neon signs of the go-go bar action and am so thankful for the nice people in this country.
after i have my fill of wandering through shops, wandering on the beach, and wandering from cart to cart of delicious 10baht street food, my ever-so-keen sense of direction tells me that since getting to the mall involved one straightforward baht bus ride, i would just get on a bus going the opposite direction and be home in no time. well since the road i took there was a one-way street, i have to switch roads to be going back in what *i thought* was the right direction. i of course never bother to confirm my excellent logic with another passenger or even the driver, despite knowing absolutely nothing about the baht bus routes in this part of pattaya. after my first driver kicks me off of his bus (the first time this ever happened to me i was deeply insulted and took his abandonment of a young girl on her way home at 4am as a personal affront, but as i know now, this is customary when there’s only one passenger left so that the driver can backtrack his route to the more economically-worthwhile areas…), i am not disheartened in the slightest, and see my change in direction as an opportunity to really see the sights of the streets.
i board another bus heading the opposite direction, and end up (surprise surprise!) right back where i started, at central festival mall. by this time it’s starting to get darker, and the more pressing issue of my hunger is really starting to set in (since apparently the mini fried coconut crème pies I bought didn’t provide enough sustenance to substitute dinner…). so, i board one more bus going in the opposite direction again. this time i make sure to tell the driver “jomtien beach,” but he says he doesn’t go there, and i'll have to stop and change buses. ok…so i just ask him as nicely as possible to please stop when i should change buses, figuring that i'll just take it from there. this request gets a response of raised-eyebrowed silence, him not even bothering to tell me that “hey, lady that’s not at all how this system works.”
to my relief, i am quickly joined by another passenger, and immediately i bust out my longest –but most useful!- thai phrase yet: kuhn-poot-pa-sah-ang-git-dai-mai-kah? (do you speak english?) this time, i am in luck. amazingly, the beautiful thai woman wearing a short blue dress and clutching a matching rhinestone-studded purse not only understands my (surely) poorly-pronounced survival phrase, but returns my plea for conversation with a smile and some broken english of her own. though she is on her way to walking street (surprise surprise!), i tell her my dilemma, and she assures me that she’ll show me which bus to take. relieved, i get off with her on walking street. i thank her again for her offer to help and wait for her to point which direction to go. instead, she grabs my hand and totters her way across the uneven pavement in high spiky heels, me trying to keep up. we cross several streets grasping hands like long-lost lesbian lovers(with me of course having no idea where we are), then make it to a baht bus that she nods to in confirmation. not leaving my side until i am actually safely onto the back of the crammed-full truck bed, i am wishing i could more fully articulate my appreciation for her help. i repeat my kop-kuhn-kaahhh (สวัสดีค่ะ) several times as smilingly as possible. i watch her spring back across the street toward the neon signs of the go-go bar action and am so thankful for the nice people in this country.
13.6.10
monsoooon
now entering wet season. well, personally, i was under the impression that wet season was a given and universal concept here in thailand, owing to the fact that since the day i arrived my body has been perpetually soaked with absurd amounts of perspiration. the only time around here that my body isn’t completely drenched with sweat is when i am actually in the water, either at the pool, at the beach, or in one of my frequent cold showers.
the only moments up to this point that have cooled the air down just slightly enough to avoid the constant perspiration have been the few short, evening thunderstorms that hit as i'm already snug in my bed ready to rest up for an early morning of teaching. that was my idea of the “wet” season. pleasant, warm, short-lived tropical rain showers, with beautiful displays of lightning reflecting off the dark waves on the beach.
but no. i learned, following my adventurous decision to go out into friday night’s lightning storm rather than calling it a good excuse for a quiet night at home, that by “wet” season, they actually mean monsoon. i learned that during monsoon season here, you should probably go out in your waders (why wasn’t this on the packing list?), to avoid wading through the dirty water of downtown pattaya in a short dress and sandals. i learned it’s probably wise to go out earlier rather than later so as to get stuck inside a bar watching the action comfortable and dry with a drink in your hand rather than stuck on the street resembling a saturated dish rag. and don’t even think about driving your motorbike unless it has a hidden duckmobile feature.
though the decision to opt for a baht bus rather than taking the motorbike downtown was motivated by reasons of safety and convenience rather than weather, it became instantly clear that we wouldn’t have made it farther than five minutes down the flooded streets. from the refuge of the roofed baht bus to walking street, i could observe the flash flooding on the streets of downtown pattaya with wonderment. thai girls in clubbing attire up to their knees in dirty street water. boys pushing flooded motorbikes out of the way of the slow moving traffic. shopkeepers in ponchos keeping the creeping water levels at bay with industrial-sized mops and grim expressions of having done this same act countless times before. no one –including us- letting the predicament of being virtually underwater upset a perfectly fine friday night. wet season or not, here in pattaya the show must go on…!
the only moments up to this point that have cooled the air down just slightly enough to avoid the constant perspiration have been the few short, evening thunderstorms that hit as i'm already snug in my bed ready to rest up for an early morning of teaching. that was my idea of the “wet” season. pleasant, warm, short-lived tropical rain showers, with beautiful displays of lightning reflecting off the dark waves on the beach.
but no. i learned, following my adventurous decision to go out into friday night’s lightning storm rather than calling it a good excuse for a quiet night at home, that by “wet” season, they actually mean monsoon. i learned that during monsoon season here, you should probably go out in your waders (why wasn’t this on the packing list?), to avoid wading through the dirty water of downtown pattaya in a short dress and sandals. i learned it’s probably wise to go out earlier rather than later so as to get stuck inside a bar watching the action comfortable and dry with a drink in your hand rather than stuck on the street resembling a saturated dish rag. and don’t even think about driving your motorbike unless it has a hidden duckmobile feature.
though the decision to opt for a baht bus rather than taking the motorbike downtown was motivated by reasons of safety and convenience rather than weather, it became instantly clear that we wouldn’t have made it farther than five minutes down the flooded streets. from the refuge of the roofed baht bus to walking street, i could observe the flash flooding on the streets of downtown pattaya with wonderment. thai girls in clubbing attire up to their knees in dirty street water. boys pushing flooded motorbikes out of the way of the slow moving traffic. shopkeepers in ponchos keeping the creeping water levels at bay with industrial-sized mops and grim expressions of having done this same act countless times before. no one –including us- letting the predicament of being virtually underwater upset a perfectly fine friday night. wet season or not, here in pattaya the show must go on…!
11.6.10
school.
life as a kindergarten teacher is not all daisies and butterflies, i’m coming to learn. in fact, it’s starting to require at least 4 cups of coffee a day just to maintain the required energy level to be the english-speaking spectacle in front of 20 pairs of wide and curious 3 ½ -year old thai eyes. …that statement is not very accurate however, as it portrays an image of quiet and eager-to-learn young pupils. in reality, though, the wide and curious eyes are situated directly above quite active thai-babbling lips, ice cream-dripping chins, pants-peeing crotches, and itty-bitty legs with enough stored energy to climb the custard-yellow walls all day and night.
i knew coming into this job that teaching would never be my true calling. at least not this type of federal curriculum-led math, english, and science for a whole classroom of students. much to my surprise, my deep-seated love for bambinos and enthusiasm for helping to foster young development seems to be betrayed by this particular age group, which seems to offer the least optimal combination of qualities. their attention spans are so short that you’d think they were nonexistent. they don’t know enough english to be concerned in the slightest by such teacher –induced threats as “sit down and be quiet right now or no snacktime for you!” making my abilities for control or discipline –essential assets to have any success as a teacher- absolutely null. thank god for my thai assistant, who screams so loud the poor kiddos start crying, and i feel thankful my thai isn’t good enough yet to understand her piercing words, allowing me to sit quietly in the corner and prepare my next lesson.
the school in itself is quite interesting. started by a young and ambitious young couple barely 4 years ago, it now consists of about 300 students between the ages of 2 and 8, full english, thai, and chinese language programs, two shiny rainbow indoor and outdoor playgrounds, a beautiful outdoor swimming pool, and after-school offerings of everything from ballet to piano to muay thai boxing to meditation, to create that perfect well-rounded child.
the really interesting part though, is the clientele of such a school in such a location. in other words, when a city is built on go-go bars and sex tourism, what kind of bambinos emerge to attend such a school? well, all i can say is that the standard meet-and-greet required of all the teachers every morning makes for a slightly entertaining start to the day. young 30-something thai mothers arrive, decked out in classy business attire that says “I’m on my way to my career.” this carefully chosen wardrobe doesn’t fully mask their wild past –or present!- life working in the pattaya go-go bar scene. maybe it’s the flashes under the clothes of bodies starting to lose their vigor though clearly still tight from all-night table dancing. or maybe it’s the too-high heels that no sensible businesswoman would be parading around in. or maybe i'm just biased because i know the stereotypical way to make money for thai girls in this town is to give lap dances and shoot ping pong balls out of unimaginable places. or maybe it’s the fact that I saw two mothers of students out and about this weekend on walking street, drunkenly frequenting their home bars in tight neon dresses…
if there was any doubt about the reality of these interesting family dynamics, that would be instantly eliminated when daddy comes to do the afternoon pickup: 60-something, balding, generally overweight, and sporting the same shorts and Hawaiian tee shirts he arrived in 5 years ago when he realized all of the hard-earned money after a dull business career back home should finally be put to good use buying a new wife and a new life in exotic thailand. don’t get me wrong, though the image is undeniably comical, these dads love their children and are committed to them. i've had many dads approach me just in the past week expressing concern for their child and indicating desire to do whatever needed to help in their education and development. “how is lisa’s coloring lately? i'm retired, you know, so i have nothing to do but play golf and help her with her coloring…” …pity that such dedication will barely last into their child’s teenage years, given that by then the daddys will be senile in wheelchairs, while their wives leave them at home with the kids to go have a ladies night back at the old go-go…
i knew coming into this job that teaching would never be my true calling. at least not this type of federal curriculum-led math, english, and science for a whole classroom of students. much to my surprise, my deep-seated love for bambinos and enthusiasm for helping to foster young development seems to be betrayed by this particular age group, which seems to offer the least optimal combination of qualities. their attention spans are so short that you’d think they were nonexistent. they don’t know enough english to be concerned in the slightest by such teacher –induced threats as “sit down and be quiet right now or no snacktime for you!” making my abilities for control or discipline –essential assets to have any success as a teacher- absolutely null. thank god for my thai assistant, who screams so loud the poor kiddos start crying, and i feel thankful my thai isn’t good enough yet to understand her piercing words, allowing me to sit quietly in the corner and prepare my next lesson.
the school in itself is quite interesting. started by a young and ambitious young couple barely 4 years ago, it now consists of about 300 students between the ages of 2 and 8, full english, thai, and chinese language programs, two shiny rainbow indoor and outdoor playgrounds, a beautiful outdoor swimming pool, and after-school offerings of everything from ballet to piano to muay thai boxing to meditation, to create that perfect well-rounded child.
the really interesting part though, is the clientele of such a school in such a location. in other words, when a city is built on go-go bars and sex tourism, what kind of bambinos emerge to attend such a school? well, all i can say is that the standard meet-and-greet required of all the teachers every morning makes for a slightly entertaining start to the day. young 30-something thai mothers arrive, decked out in classy business attire that says “I’m on my way to my career.” this carefully chosen wardrobe doesn’t fully mask their wild past –or present!- life working in the pattaya go-go bar scene. maybe it’s the flashes under the clothes of bodies starting to lose their vigor though clearly still tight from all-night table dancing. or maybe it’s the too-high heels that no sensible businesswoman would be parading around in. or maybe i'm just biased because i know the stereotypical way to make money for thai girls in this town is to give lap dances and shoot ping pong balls out of unimaginable places. or maybe it’s the fact that I saw two mothers of students out and about this weekend on walking street, drunkenly frequenting their home bars in tight neon dresses…
if there was any doubt about the reality of these interesting family dynamics, that would be instantly eliminated when daddy comes to do the afternoon pickup: 60-something, balding, generally overweight, and sporting the same shorts and Hawaiian tee shirts he arrived in 5 years ago when he realized all of the hard-earned money after a dull business career back home should finally be put to good use buying a new wife and a new life in exotic thailand. don’t get me wrong, though the image is undeniably comical, these dads love their children and are committed to them. i've had many dads approach me just in the past week expressing concern for their child and indicating desire to do whatever needed to help in their education and development. “how is lisa’s coloring lately? i'm retired, you know, so i have nothing to do but play golf and help her with her coloring…” …pity that such dedication will barely last into their child’s teenage years, given that by then the daddys will be senile in wheelchairs, while their wives leave them at home with the kids to go have a ladies night back at the old go-go…
6.6.10
adventures in boyztown
today: “same same” (one of thailand’s most adored english phrases…who knows where in the world it came from because i've definitely never heard an english speaker say it…)sunbathing, dipping in the pee-warm beach water, indulging in the fresh pineapple (or sah-bah-roht… thai vocab word of the day!) offered temptingly from the beach vendors, and sweating profusely in the heat I still am quite unaccustomed to… which –not to mention- surely reeks of beer from last night’s escapades. good riddance though. my body could do without the excess of formaldehyde (supposedly one of the main ingredients in the many chang beers i consumed on walking street). my only concern at the moment, therefore, is whether the congealy greasy street meat I just ate is going to result in a magic cure for my hangover or a 24 hour case of explosive diarrhea….
last night’s quintessential pattaya experience made it clear to me yet again that I made the right decision coming here. first, roaming the streets of sunny plaza in south pattaya on the back of my teacher friend’s motorbike (and by roaming I mean dipping in and out of narrow alley-like zigzagging streets that kept the ride exciting, though made it so I hadn’t the slightest clue how we got to the bar we finally stopped at). once there, we got the full lowdown on pattaya’s infamous sex scene, thanks to my new friend’s expertise in the area of gay thai boys and all associated fetishes and fantasies that money might buy. he filled up in on exactly how the system of “renting” little thai boys works (in case we might ever get hit with the urge). he explained that the boys working at the gay bar –at which we were presently enjoying happy hour- expected the average minimum of about 1,000 baht to be taken home for the night to make many and all of your fantasies involving little thai boys come true (he apparently has an explicit list of precisely what he likes that he whips out on such occasions). the next morning, a further tip of at least 500 baht is also expected. this, like the overall fee, is mostly property of the bar manager, with very little actually going to the ones having to do the dirty work of sucking on skinny bald mens’ toes, or whatever that crowd might be into these days…
importantly, the distinction between this type of “beer bar” and an actual “go-go bar” is that the beer bars are casual places anyone can go hang out and have drinks (as we were doing) and not feel the slightest obligation to participate in such festivities (or, in my case, even be fully aware of the real purpose of the place as a sexual rendezvous meeting point). go-go bars on the other hand, have the sole and blatant purpose of choosing a boy/girl to take home. literally, “I want #32.” and bam. yours for the night. these joints lack even the slightest pretense toward being something less seedy and uncivilized than they are, and it is not uncommon to see genitalia flying haphazardly across the stage or even shoved in your face, as we would soon find out in our front row seats at the “wild wild west” show…
welcome to boyztown.
i won’t deny how much I enjoyed critiquing the 40 or so boys parading across the stage in teeny-weenie camo bikini bottoms, cowboy boots, and number badges for easy identification (names would have just confused the whole dehumanization bit). it was admittedly refreshing, that double standards between men and women simply do not exist here. nor do stigmatizations or judgments regarding sexual preference, or simply sex in general.
no. in thailand, and especially pattaya, there is something for everyone, and the sex industry is cimply considered a service like any other. showing off naked bodies on a stage like pieces of meat up for auction is not a cause for feminist uproar as is so often the case in the united states. in america, such places are nothing more than a perpetuation of the notion of women as big breasted small-waisted sex objects to be used and abused for the pleasure of men. here though, it seems different. people come in all shapes and sizes to suit any and all types of taste and sexual orientation. our friend, full of wisdom and knowledge of the thai culture from his 8 year relationship with his thai boyfriend tells me: thais think of sex differently. for the thais, sex is like lunch. if you’re hungry, you eat. if you’re horny, you have sex. no need to make a big ordeal out of such a basic human need.
however, while the spectacle of downtown pattaya represents the fun and adventurous surface of the issue of sex tourism in this country, the sex industry has equally dark and dangerous aspects of exploitation, abuse, and underage workers. whisperings of the sick world of child sex trafficking in the area show just how little of the reality of “sex tourism” that the bright neon lights and scantily-clad promoters of the go-go bars actually reveal…
but anyway…. musings on the philosophical implications of this culture’s unique outlook on the issue are beside the point. all i can personally attest to is the entertainment aspect of the one amusing show i attended…
unfortunately, my favorite boy (number 32 i think? …the only one not skinnier/prettier and a better dancer than me…well maybe still prettier, but at least his body was definitely that of a man, rather than a 12 year old girl like many of the other boys…) was not in the actual show. though the erotic dancing in belly dancing skirts, ballet-inspired solos by the lead ladyboy, and under-the-blanket peep scenes of intense 3-boy sex positions (all set to dramatic lighting and music, of course) was still very much entertaining. our poor straight boy companion in the group was such a good sport throughout the whole sheer skirt/erect body parts intensity of the show that afterwards, we all agreed he deserved some boobies.
next stop: boyztown’s older, longer, more intense, and much more famous sister neighborhood: Walking Street. (all i can say on the subject is i have definitely had my whole year’s helping of thai boobies…)
last night’s quintessential pattaya experience made it clear to me yet again that I made the right decision coming here. first, roaming the streets of sunny plaza in south pattaya on the back of my teacher friend’s motorbike (and by roaming I mean dipping in and out of narrow alley-like zigzagging streets that kept the ride exciting, though made it so I hadn’t the slightest clue how we got to the bar we finally stopped at). once there, we got the full lowdown on pattaya’s infamous sex scene, thanks to my new friend’s expertise in the area of gay thai boys and all associated fetishes and fantasies that money might buy. he filled up in on exactly how the system of “renting” little thai boys works (in case we might ever get hit with the urge). he explained that the boys working at the gay bar –at which we were presently enjoying happy hour- expected the average minimum of about 1,000 baht to be taken home for the night to make many and all of your fantasies involving little thai boys come true (he apparently has an explicit list of precisely what he likes that he whips out on such occasions). the next morning, a further tip of at least 500 baht is also expected. this, like the overall fee, is mostly property of the bar manager, with very little actually going to the ones having to do the dirty work of sucking on skinny bald mens’ toes, or whatever that crowd might be into these days…
importantly, the distinction between this type of “beer bar” and an actual “go-go bar” is that the beer bars are casual places anyone can go hang out and have drinks (as we were doing) and not feel the slightest obligation to participate in such festivities (or, in my case, even be fully aware of the real purpose of the place as a sexual rendezvous meeting point). go-go bars on the other hand, have the sole and blatant purpose of choosing a boy/girl to take home. literally, “I want #32.” and bam. yours for the night. these joints lack even the slightest pretense toward being something less seedy and uncivilized than they are, and it is not uncommon to see genitalia flying haphazardly across the stage or even shoved in your face, as we would soon find out in our front row seats at the “wild wild west” show…
welcome to boyztown.
i won’t deny how much I enjoyed critiquing the 40 or so boys parading across the stage in teeny-weenie camo bikini bottoms, cowboy boots, and number badges for easy identification (names would have just confused the whole dehumanization bit). it was admittedly refreshing, that double standards between men and women simply do not exist here. nor do stigmatizations or judgments regarding sexual preference, or simply sex in general.
no. in thailand, and especially pattaya, there is something for everyone, and the sex industry is cimply considered a service like any other. showing off naked bodies on a stage like pieces of meat up for auction is not a cause for feminist uproar as is so often the case in the united states. in america, such places are nothing more than a perpetuation of the notion of women as big breasted small-waisted sex objects to be used and abused for the pleasure of men. here though, it seems different. people come in all shapes and sizes to suit any and all types of taste and sexual orientation. our friend, full of wisdom and knowledge of the thai culture from his 8 year relationship with his thai boyfriend tells me: thais think of sex differently. for the thais, sex is like lunch. if you’re hungry, you eat. if you’re horny, you have sex. no need to make a big ordeal out of such a basic human need.
however, while the spectacle of downtown pattaya represents the fun and adventurous surface of the issue of sex tourism in this country, the sex industry has equally dark and dangerous aspects of exploitation, abuse, and underage workers. whisperings of the sick world of child sex trafficking in the area show just how little of the reality of “sex tourism” that the bright neon lights and scantily-clad promoters of the go-go bars actually reveal…
but anyway…. musings on the philosophical implications of this culture’s unique outlook on the issue are beside the point. all i can personally attest to is the entertainment aspect of the one amusing show i attended…
unfortunately, my favorite boy (number 32 i think? …the only one not skinnier/prettier and a better dancer than me…well maybe still prettier, but at least his body was definitely that of a man, rather than a 12 year old girl like many of the other boys…) was not in the actual show. though the erotic dancing in belly dancing skirts, ballet-inspired solos by the lead ladyboy, and under-the-blanket peep scenes of intense 3-boy sex positions (all set to dramatic lighting and music, of course) was still very much entertaining. our poor straight boy companion in the group was such a good sport throughout the whole sheer skirt/erect body parts intensity of the show that afterwards, we all agreed he deserved some boobies.
next stop: boyztown’s older, longer, more intense, and much more famous sister neighborhood: Walking Street. (all i can say on the subject is i have definitely had my whole year’s helping of thai boobies…)
5.6.10
beach time
my second week of my new tradition in this new life as a thai kindergarten teacher is in full effect this weekend: stay out until 4, roll out of bed next morning, be at beach by 11am. next: bake hawaiian tropic-oiled skin in hot thai sun, write in journal about fabulous new beach lifestyle, eat and pray and love with ms. elizabeth gilbert, dip in dirty jomtien water when heat becomes unbearable, come back to towel, flip sides, repeat.
one of my many favorite things about my home beach here is the rental lounge chairs. for only 20 baht they’re yours for the day, complete with the whole umbrella/table/trashcan setup, not to mention a chair attendee to serve and assist you with whatever you need! after college in colorado -where it often still snows in may (by which time it should clearly be sunbathing weather rather than blizzarding)-i've been just itching for the heat and sunshine. so, my personal setup involves laying on my towel directly adjacent to, rather than under, my private shady chair area. this strategic positioning generates half-sympathetic half-curious glances from the local and visiting thai beach-goers. they, looking polar opposite to myself, are carefully hiding every inch of their skin in head-to-toe street attire and don’t creep out from under their umbrella spots unless to go scoop up their fully-clothed thai bambinos splashing in the waves. undoubtedly they are wondering why this poor white girl is choosing to soak up the rays and purposefully darken into the hideous shade of brown that thais avoid at all costs.
one of my many favorite things about my home beach here is the rental lounge chairs. for only 20 baht they’re yours for the day, complete with the whole umbrella/table/trashcan setup, not to mention a chair attendee to serve and assist you with whatever you need! after college in colorado -where it often still snows in may (by which time it should clearly be sunbathing weather rather than blizzarding)-i've been just itching for the heat and sunshine. so, my personal setup involves laying on my towel directly adjacent to, rather than under, my private shady chair area. this strategic positioning generates half-sympathetic half-curious glances from the local and visiting thai beach-goers. they, looking polar opposite to myself, are carefully hiding every inch of their skin in head-to-toe street attire and don’t creep out from under their umbrella spots unless to go scoop up their fully-clothed thai bambinos splashing in the waves. undoubtedly they are wondering why this poor white girl is choosing to soak up the rays and purposefully darken into the hideous shade of brown that thais avoid at all costs.
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