school.

life as a kindergarten teacher is not all daisies and butterflies, i’m coming to learn. in fact, it’s starting to require at least 4 cups of coffee a day just to maintain the required energy level to be the english-speaking spectacle in front of 20 pairs of wide and curious 3 ½ -year old thai eyes. …that statement is not very accurate however, as it portrays an image of quiet and eager-to-learn young pupils. in reality, though, the wide and curious eyes are situated directly above quite active thai-babbling lips, ice cream-dripping chins, pants-peeing crotches, and itty-bitty legs with enough stored energy to climb the custard-yellow walls all day and night.



i knew coming into this job that teaching would never be my true calling. at least not this type of federal curriculum-led math, english, and science for a whole classroom of students. much to my surprise, my deep-seated love for bambinos and enthusiasm for helping to foster young development seems to be betrayed by this particular age group, which seems to offer the least optimal combination of qualities. their attention spans are so short that you’d think they were nonexistent. they don’t know enough english to be concerned in the slightest by such teacher –induced threats as “sit down and be quiet right now or no snacktime for you!” making my abilities for control or discipline –essential assets to have any success as a teacher- absolutely null. thank god for my thai assistant, who screams so loud the poor kiddos start crying, and i feel thankful my thai isn’t good enough yet to understand her piercing words, allowing me to sit quietly in the corner and prepare my next lesson.


the school in itself is quite interesting. started by a young and ambitious young couple barely 4 years ago, it now consists of about 300 students between the ages of 2 and 8, full english, thai, and chinese language programs, two shiny rainbow indoor and outdoor playgrounds, a beautiful outdoor swimming pool, and after-school offerings of everything from ballet to piano to muay thai boxing to meditation, to create that perfect well-rounded child.


the really interesting part though, is the clientele of such a school in such a location. in other words, when a city is built on go-go bars and sex tourism, what kind of bambinos emerge to attend such a school? well, all i can say is that the standard meet-and-greet required of all the teachers every morning makes for a slightly entertaining start to the day. young 30-something thai mothers arrive, decked out in classy business attire that says “I’m on my way to my career.” this carefully chosen wardrobe doesn’t fully mask their wild past –or present!- life working in the pattaya go-go bar scene. maybe it’s the flashes under the clothes of bodies starting to lose their vigor though clearly still tight from all-night table dancing. or maybe it’s the too-high heels that no sensible businesswoman would be parading around in. or maybe i'm just biased because i know the stereotypical way to make money for thai girls in this town is to give lap dances and shoot ping pong balls out of unimaginable places. or maybe it’s the fact that I saw two mothers of students out and about this weekend on walking street, drunkenly frequenting their home bars in tight neon dresses…


if there was any doubt about the reality of these interesting family dynamics, that would be instantly eliminated when daddy comes to do the afternoon pickup: 60-something, balding, generally overweight, and sporting the same shorts and Hawaiian tee shirts he arrived in 5 years ago when he realized all of the hard-earned money after a dull business career back home should finally be put to good use buying a new wife and a new life in exotic thailand. don’t get me wrong, though the image is undeniably comical, these dads love their children and are committed to them. i've had many dads approach me just in the past week expressing concern for their child and indicating desire to do whatever needed to help in their education and development. “how is lisa’s coloring lately? i'm retired, you know, so i have nothing to do but play golf and help her with her coloring…” …pity that such dedication will barely last into their child’s teenage years, given that by then the daddys will be senile in wheelchairs, while their wives leave them at home with the kids to go have a ladies night back at the old go-go…